This is such a divisive issue. I have read both sides here, yours and your detractor's.

I have crossed picket lines to have abortions, a terrified child. I still associate fig newtons and apple juice with comfort, nausea, and guilt. I have shared a room and spoken with an older mother whose teenage daughter (then my age) would not speak to her because she decided not to keep the unintended pregnancy when she was 40.

I have stood before a state senate, arguing in favor of a waiting period and informed consent, confessing the actual number of abortions that I had had, and the ages. I was 7 months pregnant with my first child at that time. I saw my name plastered across the headlines on the front page the next day, my secrets no longer secret.

I often say that I believe that things happen for a reason. I believe there is a reason that I ended up with 5 children, the last of them twins. Penance or forgiveness? Or simply irony?

It's true that your grandmother's story is yours, and a poignant one, too. Many women of her time still died in childbirth, even. Her choices were not easy then. A woman's choices are not easy now. At least the choice to have a child outside of marraige is more viable. And a man can be held responsible (often) for his share in the matter. But the choices are no easier.

Every where I go, I find this issue to be polarizing. It's something I can and cannot understand. I have travelled to both ends. No one I meet there seems to think that there is a middle ground.

But I stand in the middle. It's the only place I feel safe.

On Saturday we checked into the Holiday Inn and Convention Center at about 4:00.  I had reserved a poolside room on the 2nd floor, but they gave me one on the main floor, just set slightly off the pool. 

It was an ideal location since the kids could run back and forth to the pool and I didn't feel I had to sit out there the entire time.  There was a casting call for a movie in the room next to us, but by 6:45, they were picking up everything off of the table outside their room and calling it a day.

But midnight the kids had been swimming for several hours, pizza had been eaten, the cousin dropped off home, and the pool was closed.  There was an awful lot of noise coming into our room, but you have to accept that when you have a pool-side room.

By 1:00 AM, though, after having drifted in and out of sleep for about an hour, I called the front desk.  "Um, I was just wandering if you might be able to quiet things down here a little bit?"  "Sure, where is the noise coming from?"  "I think it's in that movie room next door."  "We'll send someone right down."

Then things got noisier for a few minutes, I heard knocks, loud voices, and soon it all seemed to quiet down a bit.  But at 2:00 the noise had picked up again to its loudest yet.  Another call.  "Um, It's really noisy down here.  I really need to get some sleep and I don't know what to do."  (It's true, I am sometimes utterly irrational if I have gone 2 or 3 nights without sleep.  And I rarely sleep well before a trip, so I'm a recipe for disaster when travelling with the kids.)  "And where is the noise coming from?"  "Everywhere.  But I still think it's that movie room."  "We'll send someone right down."

This time, I go into the bathroom, from which the children and I had clearly heard the R-rated auditions resonating from the next room earlier.  Strange.  It's actually quieter in here.  It's not the movie audition room!  So I wake up slightly and decide to wander out in my jammies to investgate.  I grab the room key and leave the room.

Two young men are talking right outside my room window.  A family of four with two toddlers are standing beside the rail on the second floor.  The couple are talking and looking a bit displaced and the children are fussy and loud.  At 2:15 in the morning??!!  Wa it.  On the second floor?  Damn.  The noises had been coming from the room right over my head!  Why did I think it was the audition room?  Security must have thought I was nuts.  But apparently they had taken care of the problem.  Only a few minutes ago there seemed to be a full (and large) party in progress.  Now the young family was leaving.  And whatever hordes had been lurking in the shadows - they seemed to be gone, too.

So I began wandering back to my room.  The two good-looking young men were still standing right outside my room talking.  Talking.  Droning on and on.  Did I mention that I can get really owlly when I am very tired??  I weighed my option - and then I did the unthinkable.  I marched right over to them and said "People are trying to sleep in there.  Do you think you could move??"  They looked at me as if I were insane and nodded, but didn't move.  Only a second had passed when I added, "It's *bleeping* 2:00 in the morning!"

Then I stalked over to my door and inserted the card with a self-righteous flair.  No green light.  Tried again.  And again.  And again.  And again.  The card was not going to work.  I knocked a few times, at first quietly and then louder.  Those kids were not waking up.  Then I tried the card again several times.  No use.  The card was not going to work.  I was very careful not to look towards the men, who were still standing only about 6 feet away from me, quite silent now.  I evaluated my options, and then I pounded loudly and repetitively on the door, surely waking up every room up to 6 rooms away.

The door opened and I slunk inside.

Hubby was a coupla hours away yesterday when his car began gushing oil and stalled. 

He had it towed to a garage and caught a ride home.

The oil drain plug was completely gone.  It is unknown if there is any permanent damage, but as of a few minutes ago, the garage called and said that it was running and sounded fine.

We got our regular oil change only 250 miles ago.  I called our regular garage, where we spend hundreds, sometimes thousands a year on our multiple older cars.  They said they would make it right, even if we needed a new engine.

What a hassle for poor hubby.  He looked forward to driving after a year of no driving at all, no freedom, and he has had nothing but trouble since he became eligible.

He will be home alone with the oldest daughter for the weekend, as I am off to Omaha with the youngest four.  They (hubby and #1) were hoping to go canoeing and go to movies and out to dinner.  Won't be able to do any of that without this car.  (Because of restriction, it is the only car equipped and legal for him to drive.) 

He's on his way to pick it up now.  Wish him luck! 

In 1997 I had just had the twins and money was tight.  We didn't have anything suitable to haul 5 kids around in.  I had totalled our older Suburban two weeks after the twins were born, while driving sleep-deprived.  So I badgered hubby and we went to look at a van in the paper that was pretty cheap.  It was painted TAXI yellow because - YES - it used to be a taxi and you could still see a big unfaded spot on the door where the magnetic sign used to be.  We bought it for next to nothing. 

On Christmas eve 1998 we were taking it to Omaha and it broke down on the way.  Serious stuff - it threw a rod.  Hubby started walking to the nearest exit, and we called AAA to tow the van away.  A semi truck driver with a sleeper cab stopped to find out what he could do to help.  Turns out he was going to Omaha and he gave us (all 7 - the twins in carrier car seats) a ride the rest of the way.  We called ahead for my mother-in-law to meet us.  Since she only had a car, she had to make two trips to take us home.  We bought another van the day after Christmas. 

On the way back home, we stopped by the van long enough to sell it to a local scrap dealer.  My kids nearly cried for that van!!  They still tell me they remember it and miss it!  Go figure.....

We called that truck driver (Steve) an angel and he truly was.  We always remember trucker Steve at Christmas.  We didn't know how to contact him, so we couldn't properly thank him.  But to be honest, I don't think we're entirely convinced that he was "real".  He certainly illustrated the spirit of Christmas in a way my children (the ones that were old enough to remember) will never forget!

I'm going to try to keep a running tab on my resolutions at least once a month, so here goes:

Fitness - In the 3 monts I've been working out, I've lost 20 lbs.  I've enjoyed wieght-lifting and spinning.  I've been talking to my trainer about taking it to the next level and I had to choose between training for a tri-athalon or for an amateur body-building competition.  I've decided to persue bodybuilding first and see how it goes.  The first competition is in December.

Finance - Through being really careful and lot's of belt-tightening by tracking every single purshase, we've saved $4000.  Hubby wants to break ground on a pool this spring, but I don't know.  The weather in the midwest limits pool use to 3 or 4 months a year.  I'd rather have a sun-room with a jacuzzi.  But with the teens, a pool would be a good way to keep them and their friends at home....

Family - Things are going well and now that all five of the girls are all 8 and over, Hubby and I are talking about adopting a boy.  It would be nice to have a little one in the house again and experience life with a boy in the house.  It's just talk so far....  We are also may consider fostering instead.

Fecal Connectivity - Well, I've finally come to some conclusions on the state of my spiritual journey.  (This is THE most exciting part!!!)  I've enrolled in the Maharashi University in Fairfield Iowa to start my Master's degree and then complete a PHD!  http://www.mum.edu" title="http://www.mum.edu" target="_blank"http://www.mum.edu It was founded by His Holiness Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.  As far as I know, this is the only university in the states that requires daily transcendental meditation.  And it's only about 70 miles away!!!  I start this fall and I cannot wait!!!  I commute is a bit long, a little over an hour, but the family is very supportive.  I will be working on Vedic Science degrees.  Here's a copy of the course description: 

"In these courses students cover all of the major themes of Maharishi Vedic Science, including the philosophy of action, higher states of consciousness, and collective consciousness. Students study the most recent books written by Maharishi, as well as his first book, the Science of Being and Art of Living. Students develop writing and speaking skills as they apply Maharishi Vedic Science to health, education, management, and rehabilitation."